Wednesday, June 10, 2009

wishing things were different...

I wish things were moving more quickly. I have dealt with a LOT of waiting for 39 years (all my life wanting a daughter to love & raise)...17 years now (since we had our first son and just KNEW someday he'd have a sister to love and grow up with).... for 18+ months now (since we realized God has a different path in mind for our family)...just lots of waiting and hoping that someday we would have a daughter. The cycles of being hopeful and then hope being dashed by MORE waiting are such a strain. Just wishing we could reach a plateau even. I'd take that right now and feel instant relief if I even thought I had hope to hold onto with some security in this adoption process. Am I overly sensitive and dramatic in this expression: YES! Wishing I didn't feel any of this so acutely. *sigh* Wishing I could better enjoy "the moment" and not be so focused on the future. Just wishing things were different.

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